My Dad x

My dad passed away from a sudden heart attack on Sunday 6th may 2012 at 47.
This is something i find very hard to talk about because when i do it just reminds me that he isn't here anymore. Anyone who knew my dad knew he was stubborn, hard headed, always right and always did what he wanted. He was also kind hearted, loving, supportive and a big softy. I feel angry he was taken when i was only 23. One thing that will stay with me forever is how he was always there for me and at one point he was my only friend.

When we were younger my dad worked abroad alot so we barely saw him, so it was like Christmas every day he came home. He used to always play his music really loud at the weekend and we would sit downstairs on the floor listening to songs all day.

 As i grew up i resented my dad for not being there, i guess i was too young to realise he worked so hard to give us everything we wanted. We disagreed on alot of things and grew apart. He became very depressed at home after his accident and it was very hard to talk to him. I should have tried to help him more and i regret that everyday.

When i became pregnant for the first time he was so excited and couldn't wait to be a grandad. When i lost the baby he was there for me and we started to become close again and it felt like old times. Unfortunately this was 3 months before he died.

There are things i will never have like him walking me down the aisle, our father daughter dance and meeting my daughter Sofia. It breaks my heart she will never know him. But there are things i will cherish forever, secrets and memories.

I miss him more everyday and the hole that's missing never goes away. 

If your dad is still here give him a big hug and kiss and tell him you love him x

4 months postpartum!

I am now 4 months postpartum! This month I am starting to finally feel back to myself. I stopped going to the exercise class in Mount Wolseley it was just too much I found she pushed us to much too soon. I started circuit training so I know with that I can go at my own pace. Matty's job recently gave us a tennis club membership for the year so we are starting that soon aswel.

I have been getting spasms in my back which my doctor said is nerve pain from having sofia so hopefully keep working out will relive some of the pain. He checked my stomach muscles and they are finally back together now so it doesn't hurt as much to do sit-ups.

Weight 4 months postpartum: 10 stone 9.

So far now ive lost 33lbs since I had Sofia. I want to lose the last 9lbs to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I lost 4lbs this month which is on track that I want to lose 1lb a week. I can hardly believe i put on 42lbs when i was pregnant! I know for sure next time im pregnant i will have a healthier diet and do light exercise so i dont pile on the weight again.
I have cut out so much junk food now I barely ever eat chocolate but if im craving it I will have it.

 

                         40 weeks pregnant                                             4 months postpartum

 

 Me and my little girl x

Sofia's 4 month update!

Sofia is 18 weeks old now! She doesn't seem like a little baby anymore, she's getting bigger each week and she knows what she wants already!
We recently went to the health nurse for her check up at 3 and a half months and she was 13lb 7oz's and 63cm long. She has always been a tall baby and is above average for her age. 

Baby's first solids!

We first tried her with the Heinz baby rice and she liked it but it bound her up too much so we took her off it and have her on the Milupa orange cereal now. At the moment she is having about 7-8 small spoonfuls each morning so she's gradually getting used to it.

In the evening around 5 we give her a fruit mix or a dinner and she loves it, she cant eat it quick enough. Her favourite so far is the apple and pear cow and gate pots or chicken dinners.

Milestones!

• One cute thing Sofia will do now when shes laughs is acting shy. She hides her face and smiles it's so adorable.
• She's so good at tummy time and holds her head right up for ages and moves her legs, i think she will be an early walker.
• She is non stop babbling now and gurgling its like she almost wants to talk.  
• She laughs so much now like proper belly laughs and is getting tickle-ish! 
• She has started screaming or screeching really loud to get attention it's so funny. 
• She is so close to rolling over now. 

Routine!

She wakes up around 9-9.30 now on a good morning and has her bottle. Then around half 10 we give her her orange cereal. She will usually nap around 11.30 for about an hour, maybe 2 if were lucky. Then at 2 she has another feed. Some days she will be awake or have another nap but it isnt usually for very long. At about 5 she has a few spoonfuls of her fruit or dinner then her bottle at 6. She usually goes on her play mat or in her jumperoo for about an hour. We do her bath around 8 and then she has another bottle at 10. She gets fussy after that and will stay awake till 1 most nights. Depending on her she will have a few ounces or go straight to sleep.

Baby's First Photoshoot! 

Sofia won a free photoshoot with pixifoto in mothercare. She was a bit cranky to start with but then as she got used to her surroundings she was smiling away and we got some lovely photos.

Getting baby ready for her first St Patricks day :)

3 Months Postpartum!

I still cant believe i had a baby 3 months ago! I love being a mum I am so blessed to have such an amazing daughter. I'm not gonna lie it has been harder than id thought it would be with the lack of sleep, but now that shes in a good routine I have more time and i can enjoy it more. It's been hard to find time to exercise and keep fit but i joined a mummy tone class in Mount Wolseley. I go once a week so at the moment that's enough for me as I'm so unfit and i don't have time.

Pre-pregnancy weight: 10 stone.
40 weeks pregnant weight: 13 stone.
3 months postpartum weight: 10 stone 13lbs.

                                6 Weeks postpartum                                            12 Weeks postpartum
                                        12 stone                                                            10 stone 13lbs


I didn't realise id lost 29lbs till now so I'm proud of loosing that much already. I still want to lose the last 13lbs but I'm finding it harder now to get rid of the last bit. My main area i want to lose it off is my belly its still wobbly and not toned at all!

Stretch marks!

One thing i got really bad when i was pregnant was stretch marks :( I literally got them everywhere, my belly, legs, sides and boobs! They are only starting to fade a small bit now so I'm doubling up on the bio oil to try to get rid of them.

Breastfeeding V's Formula!

I was originally breast feeding Sofia but she found it very hard to latch and got really distressed so it wasn't worth it. So i pumped the milk and gave her 3 bottles of formula and 3 breast milk a day at the start. At 3 weeks i got a bad blood infection, abscesses and blocked milk ducts so I ended up in hospital for a week and had to get an aspiration which was extremely painful! As i was on strong antibiotics I was told I couldn't express the milk anymore and now I have bad scar tissue so il never be able to breastfeed again. To be honest i don't think i would again after what happened and she is thriving on the formula.

Baby Blues!

This was something I struggled with because after you have a baby your supposed to feel happy all the time, but after I had Sofia I felt very sad a lot of the time and upset and I got worried that I was starting to get postnatal depression. When I talked to my health nurse she told me it was normal and its just your hormones adjusting and it went away after about a week. I think it was just overwhelming and exhausting the first week and I felt I couldn't do much after having the episiotomy done I was in a lot of pain. I would say to anyone feeling like that don't feel ashamed to tell anyone it doesn't mean you don't love your baby, it's something out of your control. Go for a walk and get out of the house, get someone to watch the baby and have a break and don't be afraid to ask for help!

Baby Wearing!

One thing me and Sofia are loving right now is baby wearing. I got a baby carrier as a gift before I had her and now she can support her head I love using it. She's always been more content being held and upright, she will usually fall asleep in it or just look around at everything. They are great for being able to get things done and also be close to your baby :)

Sofia's First Laugh x

Our little girl finally laughed at 3 months old :)

Sofia's 3 month update!

I can hardly believe she is 3 months old already! Time is just going so fast its crazy to think she has been here this long. She has changed so much and has her own little personality. She completely adores her dad, she laughs at all the silly things he does. when she is upset she tends to want me more to comfort her.

 Milestones!

• She can almost completely hold her head up on her own,she has always been really strong and always wants to be upright.
• She's smiling all the time and finally chuckled laughing!  Its the cutest thing she had me in tears when she did it the first time.
• She has finally started to notice her toys now and is trying to grab them. She loves lights she stares at them and coos it's the cutest thing.
• Her gums have been at her the last few days so we can only give her calpol or nurofen till she reachs 4 months. I froze a teether which seems to really help. 
• We think she is going to be left handed as she grabs everything with her left hand first.

Routine! 

She usually wakes up around 10am and has her bottle, then she will nap around 12-2 and have her second bottle. She will usually be awake then till 6 for a feed and she either sits in her bouncer with her toys or goes on her play mat. Sometimes she will nap but she stays awake most of the evening. We bath her around 8/9 and she loves it she never wants to get out. Then 10 she will have another feed and I usually bring everything up she will need for the night. We usually go to bed around 12 as sofia is always wide awake anyway. She starts getting sleepy around 1.30 so depending on her she will have half a bottle or a full one. Then once shes down she will sleep through till 10am.

Weight and sizes! 

 

We are waiting to get her weighed again at her next health nurse appointment. She is in all her 3-6 month clothes now, it was sad packing away all her newborn clothes. I find because she is so tall alot of the leggings are not very long on her so she has a few small 6-9 ones she wears.

My Labor and Delivery!

I got the sweep on the 6th of november and had the show in the clinic and they tell you its only a slight pain but it was really sore! i started getting slight contractions then a few hours after but they were really irregular and gradually faded over the night which was so frustrating! Then around 3am that morning i woke up to some period pains and as i timed them they were 8 minutes apart. So i waited 2 hours and they were still the same so i finally woke Matty up at 5am and told him it was time to go :) I rang Kilkenny and they told me to come straight down. In the car my contractions got stronger and closer together every 4 minutes apart so i was freeking out i was gonna have her in the car ha!

When we got into the hospital they hooked me up to a monitor and made me click every time Sofia moved but she was being lazy and hardly moving. The nurse gave me lucozade and sure enough she was kicking like mad. Around 7am they moved me into the labor ward to let me progress on my own. I was getting contractions every 4-5 minutes till around 1pm and honestly i found it ok me and Matt were even laughing through them. I was wondering what everyone was talking about when they said it was hard, how wrong i was ha! Around 3pm I couldn't bare the pain anymore and asked for gas and air, they wouldn't let me have it until I was examined.

I was brought to the delivery suite where the nurse examined me and i was 4cm dilated and completely effaced! As she was checking me my waters broke and went everywhere it even filled up her glove, kinda grose ha! I got such a shock i started crying because i thought Sofia was coming out lol. The midwife left the room to get me pethadine so she got me to bounce on the ball. I finally realised what everyone was talking about how painful it is. I had constant contractions and the pain was unbearable, and the gas and air didn't take any of the pain away it just made me really dizzy. Finally the midwife came back and we explained what was happening, then she whispered to the student nurse "i think were ready to have a baby" this was about 40 minutes after my waters had gone!

She got me back up on the bed and checked me i was fully dilated so i didn't have time for pethadine or the epidural i never felt so afraid. I had the urge to push and carried on for an hour and a half before they realised she was facing the wrong way. Id never want to scare anyone but it was the most painful experience and really traumatised me! I was completely exhausted and so was Matty he was so good supporting me and keeping me calm. The surgeon came in and took over he did an episiotomy and got the vacuum to get her out. Her head was out and i remember Matty looking at me telling me she was finally here.

When she finally came out they placed her on my chest and i fell in love with her straight away i just couldn't believe she was mine after the hardship it took to get to that point. She was born on the 7th November 2013 at 7:34pm, weighing 7lb 15oz and looked just like me :) She had dark brown hair and blue eyes. The first thing Matty said was "she's not ginger" ha!

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect daughter Sofia Emily Crowson! x